Where’s a Girl to Go?

Jenna Sampson stood awkwardly in the doorway, unaware of how she came to be in her particular predicament. She glanced left before quickly swinging her bubbly head back right.

Each direction lacked promise.

But a decision has to be made, she thought with gumption.

To her left, Hell. Not much of an option.

To the right lay Limbo. It seems okay – nothing special.

Jenna turned her eyes toward Hell. Only a few paces in, an impish creature sat lazily – his beady eyes bouncing back and forth between Jenna and a gaudy silver watch. A slimy tail swayed steadily behind him like a pissed tomcat’s would.

“Excuse me, um…” she started with hesitation. “Sir?”

Is it a he? Does it even speak English?

“What do you want?” Each word hit like a bass drum – much deeper than I expected. At least I know it’s a boy.

“Where’s Heaven?” Jenna asked. Her words were wrought with disappointment.

“No where near here, sweetie.” Jenna took the last word as a term of endearment.

A new friend! she mused happily.

“Could you tell me where to go?”

“Who the fuck do I look like? Virgil?” The imp spouted with poison. “Look, lady, if you’re going to Limbo, hop to it.

“If not, let’s go. I’ve got a quota to meet.”

“I don’t understand,” Jenna mumbled, frowning.

“Jesus Christ!” The little devil popped up to his feet. “What don’t you understand?”

“Why would anyone choose Hell?” The girl’s voice trembled with the word, but she flickered with intrigue as she eyeballed her unholy option.

“Ever read ‘Curios George’ as a kid?”

He kept going before Jenna could answer, “Humanity’s just like that – a barrel of fucking monkeys.”

“Curious, stupid, sadistic monkeys,” he grumbled.

“That’s why we give you the choice. Luce got tired of all the bitching.”

The imp waived his scaly red hands in the air and sing-songed an annoying tone, “Oh, poor me – Johnny Humanity. I didn’t have a choice and things are bad down here.

“Boo. Hoo. Hoo.”

He plopped his devilish hands onto his hips, waiting.

Jenna replied without blinking, “You’re funny. I’ll go with you,” walking straight into Hell without a shimmer of uncertainty.

The imp shook his head, disbelief in his eyes.

“What?” Jenna smiled fiendishly. “Don’t get too many women down here?”

“You kidding me?” the imp scoffed with a snort.

“Management’s 90% women.”